and it's made me obsess with the construct of time.
Specifically, how Planet Earth's spinning around the Sun and flying through Space can affect our inner gauge of how many minutes have passed, make it feel like a whole month was one week, and how its spinning causes our society to lose grasp on the meaning of life and living in the present. Humans created time as a visual, clocks and numbers, and I wonder if in doing so, we have caused our own insanity. I blame the Egyptians and our Solar System 50/50, and that is a small taste of what I'll be blogging about in the coming year.
Let me start again, ~Well It's Been A Year~ since my life drastically changed and I am still dumbfounded as to how 364 days have already sluggishly slipped by me. Chaos ensued for my family on April 4, 2018 pin-pointed exactly at 3:30 pm. I've always been conflicted about how much information I should divulge and to what extent of detail, but I have found the correct string of words.
My Dad violently took his life outside at our home apartment on a beautiful, clear-skied Spring afternoon. God knew I had the strength to bear the weight of finding my helpless Daddy-o, when I would have denied the opportunity of growth.
The rest of April was a heavy cloud of constant tears, wailing, dissociation, sleepless nights, denial, and passionate anger. It included a silver lining of a home filled with family, an abundance of flowers, onslaught of prayers, never-ending love from friends, and compassion from strangers.
Anyone who loses a parent experiences a pain that no one can truly know until it happens to that person. The passing of a grandparent, sibling, or a friend are all difficult and heartbreaking in their own way, but each loss has a unique sting.
Trying to describe the sting of a losing a parent is nearly impossible. This is how I'd put it into words: it's like standing on a fault line during an earthquake then falling into Earth's core imploding from the heat and pressure. I can see everyone at the top trying to save me yet I crave to burn and writhe in my agony. Eventually, losing a connection with reality, I live in my own chaotic mind, and I start to question everything I know.
I may not be at the bottom of Earth's core anymore but every day I struggle to climb and find my way back to the surface. I know my journey is nearly complete because I can see rays of light, I can taste the blue sky, and I can hear whispers and melodies of new songs. I chose to leave my Hell, I chose to take the broken me and use it as a blessing and a strength. Even though I feel I'm running underwater, I know I have already won the fight because I stood back on my feet.
Through this year, I have truly begun to understand what it means to live and why we should take advantage of the present day. We only have NOW and tomorrow is not promised. We have our loved ones NOW and they may not be promised tomorrow either.
In my upcoming blogs, I will be touching more on specific subjects such as Life, Death, God, our Relationships with Others, How Do we Become the Best Version of Ourselves, and How Do we Live a Meaningful and Christ-like Life.
Thank You for reading. I Pray you'll stay on this written journey with me and hopefully we can help each other in the process.